Special Edition: Nuggets and Tidbits

While on the Fest Quest this summer, we have managed to visit some other area attractions that are not official fests, but deserve some mention. A man cannot live on festivals alone, you know.

Shedd Aquarium's FantaSea
If you appreciate the spectacle of things astonishingly bad, this is the Tour de Force. I honestly have nothing to compare it to directly, so I will cobble together some related bads in order to try to do it justice. Imagine going to a very long middle school performance, in which you have no friends or relatives; add to it a slide show of animals at a petting zoo; fold in a dollop of 1990s video game sound effects; a splash of nerds dressed up for a Renaissance Fair; and close with the disjointed meaningless ending of Blazing Saddles. I actually want to see it again, because I truly cannot fathom that it can be as bad as I remember.

Kids' Night at the Zoo
This is the opposite of FantaSea. Kids' Night at the Zoo leaves the animals alone, and adds awesome stuff around them. It was an excellent summer night at the zoo with stands for food and beer, bands for both little kids and entertainment for older kids (skate-boarding demo).

The Mundelein Munch
It's always a bit of a trip down memory lane to head to good ole Mundelein. The Munch was a split fest with midway rides and games on one side; and food, drink and bands on the other. Nothing extraordinary good or bad. The only note was the seemingly way overboard, and out of place, Police presence. Perhaps it has been rowdy in the past, but it was strange and a bit frightening to see a larger police showing at the Mundelein Munch than Madison for Halloween.

Summer Sizzle
The Third Ward's small, but very cool jazz-themed street fest. Similar atmosphere to Bastille Days, this very inviting minor festival was a great treat that we accidentally stumbled on mid-summer.

Chill on the Hill
For my Chicagoland readers, imagine Ravinia, for free, less crowded, and one block from your house. Chill on the Hill is the Humboldt Park free summer concert series in the Bay View neighborhood of Milwaukee. The bands were always decent, but the venue and atmosphere were unbeatable. Whether having beer and wine with friends, or chasing the kids around the tents, Chill was a great time, every time.

Farmers' Markets
This is another future quest potential. One of our goals this summer was to eat local or from the garden as much as possible. We have discovered a very clear distinction among markets; some are markets to buy local produce (i.e. West Allis) and some are neighborhood events with the produce as a backdrop (i.e. South Shore).

Secrets to Maier Festival Grounds
I now know a few things about attending festivals at Milwaukee's famed Summerfest grounds. I hesitate to pass on these secrets, however, I take my duty to my avid followers very seriously.

Secret #1 - Free parking is almost always available one or two blocks from the grounds' main entrance. There are 6 blocks of two-hour parking, unlimited after 6PM, without meters on Chicago avenue between Milwaukee Street and the grounds. The closer you get, the better your chances, because 99% of drivers pass open free spots as they are flagged into $10-$15 lots.

Secret #2 - The Root Beer Barrels have unadvertised 32 oz ice waters in souvenir cups for $1. Aquafina bottles cost $3 or $3.50 throughout the rest of the park. For those readers not from MKE, Milwaukee has the best tap water in the nation, and it just may be found in your favorite bottled water...

Secret #3 - If you need to go pee, go to the restrooms just north of the Potowatamie Stage for the cleanest; between the Harley Roadhouse and Miller Lite Oasis for no lines; and always, always avoid the Briggs and Stratton WCs.

Not a secret, but one of my highlights - There is a security guard at Maier Festival Grounds that looks just like Patrick Stewart. I call him "Jean-Luc Pi-Guard". I will attempt to interview him for my finale episode.

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